November Myvember

I love the month of November. Always have and always will. Why? Well why not. It’s one month before December, which means a few days closer to holiday, parties and a month away from starting over. But also because I was born in the month of November. Yup proud to be a Scorpio baby.

But this year, November holds some bitter sweet memory. I found out I was pregnant one week after my birthday (however i’ve already suspected it for some time). I was over the moon. My husband was thrilled. My mother-in-law literally screamed and cried when we told her. I was prepared to do whatever it takes so that my baby would be born healthy. I took whatever supplements that was prescribe to me, I avoid all foods that I was suppose to avoid, I drank milk at least 2 times a day (yuck!), I read books and surf online for pre-natal care, I avoided movies and series that shows violence or gross stuff including my fav “American Horror Stories” (absolutely love it) and it all paid off as I slowly started to see the growing of my baby bump. I was one proud mama.

And then the panic kicked in. What if what I’m doing is not enough? How much are the baby stuff? (damn its really pricey)What are the baby stuffs that I need? What injections am I or my baby suppose to take during pregnancy, after pregnancy etc. I had limited resources so naturally I googled it.

That was when the nightmare began. I started spotting. A little bit on the first occasion but more on the second occasion which made me run all the way to emergency to have it checked. Both my trips to the emergency were fruitless as the ultrasound didn’t show me the fetus. During the second trip my first doctor said everything should be fine as my hcg level was steadily growing higher.

However my mother in law felt that it’s better to seek a second opinion. The second doctor also performed ultrasound on me and still couldn’t see the result. But he was much more pessimistic and told me either it could be an ectopic pregnancy or it’s the early result of a miscarriage. Needless to say, I was devastated. It was such a blow to my husband and his family. Still we hoped and prayed for the best. Everything should be clear in our next visit which was scheduled in 2 weeks time.

Those were the longest two weeks time that I’ve known. Every day we prayed and hoped for the best.

The day finally came. I’ve prayed that my baby will show himself to me. God granted my wish. I saw the fetus and even heard his heartbeat. All the doctors in the room said the same thing, “Oh, what a lovely embrio... unfortunately it’s growing in the fallopion tube instead of the uterus”.

I was schedule for a surgery on the same day. The doctor tried to save my fallopian tube but the fetus burst during the surgery, causing the doctor to remove it.

I got a glimpse of heaven and was thrown back to earth before I had a chance to enjoy it. And all these happened within my favourite month of the year.

To a lesser woman, this could be an experience that is hard to get over with, but lucky for me I have a very strong support system and this does not diminish my spirit in trying again as soon as my doctor gives the green light. 

I will see you again soon!